Hummingwolf at Home

Writer's Block: Promises, promises

2009-12-30T14:40:31Z

What, if any, resolutions did you make in 2009 and how many did you keep? Do you plan to make any resolutions for 2010? Do you find this tradition constructive or debilitating?

View 288 Answers

Hah! My one resolution for this year was: Resolution for 2009: I resolve to read all those books I bought for myself in 2008. Massive resolution FAIL! I don't think that's a bad thing, though--I rediscovered that reading what I want to read when I'm in the mood for it works quite well for me, overall.

Resolution for 2009: Write more LJ entries. Being dragged into the 21st century should help with this.

The custom of making New Year's resolutions can cause problems for some people, making them feel overly guilty when they fail to live up to the high standards they set for themselves in a fit of self-loathing during some holiday-related funk. I avoid this problem by refusing to take resolutions all that seriously. If there's something I really need to change about my life, then I try to change it at the time I realize the need, rather than waiting for January 1. It's much easier to make changes one at a time on my own schedule than it is to make and keep a list of resolutions on someone else's schedule.

Poem of the Moment

2009-12-29T22:36:53Z

As seen on greatpoets:
"For the Time Being" - W.H. Auden, from the Christmas Oratorio

Well, so that is that. Now we must dismantle the tree,
Putting the decorations back into their cardboard boxes --
Some have got broken -- and carrying them up to the attic.
The holly and the mistletoe must be taken down and burnt,
And the children got ready for school. There are enough
Left-overs to do, warmed-up, for the rest of the week --
Not that we have much appetite, having drunk such a lot,
Stayed up so late, attempted -- quite unsuccessfully --
To love all of our relatives, and in general
Grossly overestimated our powers.
   Once again
As in previous years we have seen the actual Vision and failed
To do more than entertain it as an agreeable
Possibility, once again we have sent Him away,
Begging though to remain His disobedient servant,
The promising child who cannot keep His word for long.
The Christmas Feast is already a fading memory,
And already the mind begins to be vaguely aware
Of an unpleasant whiff of apprehension at the thought
Of Lent and Good Friday which cannot, after all, now
Be very far off.
   But, for the time being, here we all are,
Back in the moderate Aristotelian city
Of darning and the Eight-Fifteen, where Euclid's geometry
And Newton's mechanics would account for our experience,
And the kitchen table exists because I scrub it.
It seems to have shrunk during the holidays. The streets
Are much narrower than we remembered; we had forgotten
The office was as depressing as this.
   To those who have seen
The Child, however dimly, however incredulously,
The Time Being is, in a sense, the most trying time of all.
For the innocent children who whispered so excitedly
Outside the locked door where they knew the presents to be
Grew up when it opened. Now, recollecting that moment
We can repress the joy, but the guilt remains conscious;
Remembering the stable where for once in our lives
Everything became a You and nothing was an It.
And craving the sensation but ignoring the cause,
We look round for something, no matter what, to inhibit
Our self-reflection, and the obvious thing for that purpose
Would be some great suffering. So, once we have met the Son,
We are tempted ever after to pray to the Father;
"Lead us into temptation and evil for our sake."

They will come, all right, don't worry; probably in a form
That we do not expect, and certainly with a force
More dreadful than we can imagine. In the meantime
There are bills to be paid, machines to keep in repair,
Irregular verbs to learn, the Time Being to redeem
From insignificance. The happy morning is over,
The night of agony still to come; the time is noon:
When the Spirit must practice his scales of rejoicing
Without even a hostile audience, and the Soul endure
A silence that is neither for nor against her faith
That God's Will will be done, That, in spite of her prayers,
God will cheat no one, not even the world of its triumph.

Happy After-Christmas!

2009-12-29T01:11:15Z

Merry Nearly-New Year! I've been bursting with things I want to say, but I suspect there are no words to say them. So take the music of the Nine Inch Nails albums With Teeth and Year Zero but ignore all the lyrics, then add in Sergei Prokofiev's Lt. Kije Suite along with his first and fifth symphonies, and you may get the general idea (though that isn't likely).

Christmas was excellent! Spent it with stardansr, hasufin, an energetic teenage girl, and several cats who can kill you with cuteness or with Kitty Glares of Doom, depending. Food included goose, figgy pudding (which Hasufin was disappointed by, though I liked the bit that I ate), stuffing, squash pie, and the Great Forgotten Mashed Potatoes (which were very tasty). No hallcinogenic cranberry sauce this year, but migraine medications + the comedy programme I'd listened to earlier in the day + the Kitten of Purity, Innocence, and Death all combined to give me a nifty altered state of consciousness.

Also found out that several friends had plotted to drag me kicking and screaming into the 21st century. The actual dragging should take place next weekend if all goes well. I love you guys. :-)

Post-Christmas: I've spent a lot of time napping, napping, and also napping. Did make the mistake of going to the local mall on Boxing Day evening, which is one of those things you know is a bad idea even before you leave the house. But I needed orange juice! So naturally I dealt with unhappy crowds, bought O.J. and a few other things, walked halfway home and then realized that I'd left the juice behind, walked back to the store, stood in line at the customer service desk, and generally tired myself out more than was absolutely necessary.

I do have more to say. If I can find the words, I'll try to say it.

Christmas Eve/Christmas Carol

2009-12-25T03:20:53Z

From haikujaguar's Unexpected One Card Draw earlier this week:

When I was shuffling for you, one card wavered, about to be smashed back into the deck and I... I took pity on this tired and struggling thing that seemed to want to be free and plucked it loose.

I turned it over, and there was the Womb, the card of potential, of possibility, of new things grown and nurtured in secret.

Those breathless little hopes and ideas you have within yourself, that seem silly or pointless or like they'd never succeed, so why even try? I have only one question: Why not?

From way back in the quote file:

Eros is the yearning force of being. I yearn, therefore I am. As long as I am on the outside, I can ignore my deepest desires and stifle my longing. When I am on the inside, however, when I am fully present, I am able to access my yearning. For the Hebrew mystic, unlike his Buddhist or Greek cousins, desire and longing are sacred. To be cut off from the eros of yearning is to be left in the cold of non-existence. To yearn is to be aflame.

Depression is at its core the depression of desire. When we lose touch with our authentic desire, we become listless and apathetic. There is wonderful eros in desire. It is what connects us most powerfully with our own pulsating aliveness. Longing is a vital strand in the textured fabric of the erotic. It is of the essence of the Holy of Holies.

--Mordechai (Marc) Gafni

An attendance of STR Nicholas

2009-12-21T18:37:21Z

As part of my celebration of the season, here is the traditional mutilation of a popular Christmas poem. This mutilation was achieved back in 1999 by running the poem through Babelfish's English-to-German translator, then dragging it back to English again. (Babelfish has undergone some alterations in the past ten years, so I may need to re-do this for the sake of comparison. [Edit: Done. See comments.]) Anyway, the resulting poem is, as everyone must agree, even more of a classic than the original version by Clement Clarke Moore (or possibly Henry Livingston). Enjoy!

An attendance of STR Nicholas

' Twas the night before Christmas, when by the house a creature did not agitate itself completely, a mouse do not smooth; The socks were hung by the fire-place with Obacht, in hopes that STR would be Nicholas there soon;

The children nest LED quite comfortably in their beds, while sights of the sugar plums danced into their headings; And mamma in their ' kerchief and I in my protective cap, had agreed upon even down for the hair of a long winter,

When on the lawn such developed out a Geklapper, I rose from the bed, in order to see, what the material was. Away to the Window I flew like lightning, tore opened the shutters up violently and threw up sash.

The moon on the chest of the again-pleased snow gave the gloss of the at noon to the messages down, if, which to my miracles eyes should appear, but a Minisleigh and a small Ren eight,

With a small old driver thus lively and fast, I knew in one moment, which must be it STR cut. Faster than eagles its coursers came it, and it whistled and cried and designated it in particular;

" now, the ago! now DANCERS! now PRANCER and VIXEN! Up, comet! on
CUPID! up, DONDER and LIGHTNINGS! To the top side of the portal! to the top side of the wall! Now hyphen away! Hyphen away! Hyphen away all! ",

When dry pages, which before the wild hurricane fly, if they meet an obstacle, installing to the sky, so up to the house top side coursers, which they flew, with sleigh fully of the play goods and of STR Nicholas also.

And then, in one twin-sound, heard I on the roof the Prancing and the Pawing of each small hoof. While I drew into my hand and turned me around, down the fire-place STR came Nicholas with a boundary.

It became everything in the fur, by its heading its foot geklitten, and its clothes were clouded all with ash and soot; A bundle of play goods, which it had back hurled on its, and it looked like an even opening of the hausierers its record.

Its eyes -- like it twinkled! its gruebchen, how merrily! Its cheeks were like Roses, its Wekzeugspritze like a cherry! Its droll small opening was ausgearbeitt like an elbow, and the beard of its chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe, which it stopped firmly in its teeth and which circled smoke it its heading like a Wreath; It had an expanded face and a small round antinode bulge, which shook, when it laughed like bowlful the jelly.

It was stout chubby and, a right merry old eleven and I laughed, when I saw it, despite me; A sign of its eye and the torsion of its heading, gave me soon to be afraid in order to know that I did not have anything;

He spoke not a word, but went even to its work and filled all socks; then turned with a jerk and aside put its finger of its Wekzeugspritze rose to giving a heading nodding and, up the fire-place he;

It rose to its sleigh, gave its team whistles, and away all flew it like that downward thistle. But I heard it, ere it from sight propelled to proclaim " LUCKY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! ",

2 Evening Links

2009-12-15T00:57:04Z

Looking Forward to 2010. "The 1910 film Looking Forward, directed by Theodore Marston, imagines a crazy dystopia where women rule the world. Because, as this film accurately predicted, women naturally became a political majority after getting the vote." [/adds paleofuture to reading list.]

And, via supergee: Why James Chartrand Wears Women's Underpants.

Updatey Thing

2009-12-11T02:07:17Z

I think I may have finally fixed the L key on my computer keyboard! Woohoo!! Now I need to tackle the other eight keys I've been having problems with. (T and H, you two are next. Grrrr.)

Coughing much less now than I was. (W, you will have your turn as well. But wow, am I glad to have L back. L wasn't working at all for a while there--and now I have L! L, I Love you!) Ahem. Anyway, I rested yesterday and today, not leaving the house yesterday and only going as far as the side yard today. Tomorrow I shall try to pick up a prescription refilllllllllllllllllllllllll... erm, sorry... as I was saying, prescription refill, so I'll find out on that walk whether exercise still makes my lungs gurgle.

And in irrelevant news, last night I had a lovely, sensual dream of a very attractive man who gave wonderful backrubs. Why, yes, that really is as explicit as my dreams are likely to get. And L may not be entirely back after all, though at least it's better to get some Ls than no Ls (insert Christmas pun here).

Update

2009-12-09T03:21:41Z

Because it's apparently been more than a week since my last entry:

Saturday: First snow of the season! Except for a half hour or so when the snow was pretty and pure, it was mostly falling slush (and the temperature at ground level stayed above freezing longer than expected), but it was still pleasing to get a bit of a winter wonderland on the day of...

lyssabard and tlttlotd's Cookie Party! I almost didn't make it because I was afraid freezing temperatures would render sidewalks unusable, but The Doctor was kind enough to provide transportation for me. Though some invitees couldn't make it because of the weather, 'twas a night of many tasty cookies, delicious tea, some nifty costumes, fun conversations, and wonderful people. I enjoyed it very much and am grateful for the opportunity to be there and hang out with folks.

Sunday: When going out for a walk, I realized that I was wheezing. Walk was rather shorter than planned.

Monday: Some sniffling. Much coughing, especially in the morning. Chills; no fever. Dragged myself to Target to buy vitamins and enough other supplies to last for a while in case I ended up with full-fledged bronchitis or something.

Tuesday: Still sick, but dealing with it by washing reasonably large doses of vitamin C down with vast quantities of tea. Feeling better than yesterday with hardly any wheeziness, so I walked to a grocery store to stock up on fruits, veggies, yogurt, & meat. Resting at home in the evening, I felt compelled to listen to the most obnoxious album in my collection, after which I discussed some of the album's more entertaining qualities with a housemate. The universe decided to provide its own commentary in the form of a mushroom I found as I prepared my supper. This mushroom may have been lacking anatomical correctness, but housemate and I were in agreement that anatomy was strongly suggested. (Perverted Mushroom: Band Name Alert!)

Plan for Wednesday: Rest. There's heavy rain in the forecast for tomorrow (we already have a rain/sleet mix), so it should be a good day to sleep, read, drink lots of tea, and (hopefully) get rid of this blasted infection.

About that duct tape...

2009-12-01T03:22:10Z

There was this twelve-year-old boy at dinner, you see, and the hostess figured out that the duct tape restrained him more effectively than the bungee cords. Not so difficult to understand.

(The boy's younger sister also insisted that she wanted to be tied to a chair until it was pointed out to her that if she were duct taped that way at that time, she would be unable to feed herself ~~pumpkin~~ Hubbard squash pie.)

~~~~~

I still have more to say, but am too tired for the saying of it. For a change of pace, instead of blaming medication or sleep deprivation, I shall blame the cold I seem to be coming down with. Here's hoping that tomorrow I will be either less bleary-eyed or more entertainingly loopy than I am this evening.

Still here

2009-11-30T04:28:07Z

Had excellent Thanksgiving involving people, cats, good food, and duct tape.

Been having trouble remembering how to string sentences together in ways that make actual sense.

Keyboard irritating the heck out of me, making typing less than fun.

Will try to post something tomorrow anyway. (If you don't hear from me then, feel free to remind me I said this.)

Advent

2009-11-30T04:20:41Z

The voice of one crying in the wilderness:

"Prepare the way of the LORD;
Make straight in the desert
A highway for our God.
Every valley shall be exalted
And every mountain and hill brought low;
The crooked places shall be made straight
And the rough places smooth;
The glory of the LORD shall be revealed,
And all flesh shall see it together;
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."
The voice said, "Cry out!"
And he said, "What shall I cry?"

"All flesh is grass,
And all its loveliness is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
Because the breath of the LORD blows upon it;
Surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever."

--Isaiah 40:3-8, (New King James Version)

The Tao of heaven is like the bending of a bow.
The high is lowered, and the low is raised.
If the string is too long, it is shortened;
If there is not enough, it is made longer.

The Tao of heaven is to take from those who have too much and give to those who do not have enough.
Man's way is different.
He takes from those who do not have enough and give to those who already have too much.
What man has more than enough and gives it to the world?
Only the man of Tao.

Therefore the sage works without recognition.
He achieves what has to be done without dwelling on it.
He does not try to show his knowledge.

--Tao te Ching, chapter 77 (see daily_tao)

"My soul magnifies the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His name.
And His mercy is on those who fear Him
From generation to generation.
He has shown strength with His arm;
He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He has put down the mighty from their thrones,
And exalted the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has helped His servant Israel,
In remembrance of His mercy,
As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed forever."

--Luke 1:46-55 (NKJV)

QOTM

2009-11-19T19:07:07Z

Fear is the junk food of the soul, while love languishes in the vegetable aisle. One's easy to sell and quickly consumed, while the other actually nourishes you. To a grocer who's just interested in selling anything to keep the store ticking over, putting the junk food out front is the obvious move.

--Kit Whitfield, in a comment on this page

(Note: I haven't seen In Great Waters yet, but I loved Benighted.)

Hummingwolf Today

2009-11-17T03:08:21Z

Now wearing: My peacock shirt with the light beige background, blue jeans, turquoise striped socks with stylized seahorses, old glasses, and boring underwear.

Now seeing: Letters & icons on the monitor, glowing mouse, keyboard. No non-computer lights on in my room, so everything else is too dimly lit to see in detail.

Now hearing: Icehouse's Big Wheel because the title track was playing on my brain radio this morning.
Revolution in the city
Revolution in the street
When the circle is in motion
Then the circle is complete

Now feeling: Achy, dazed, vaguely migrainey.

Now drinking: Hoji-cha (roasted green tea) in hopes that the low dose of caffeine will keep the migraine from worsening. Would rather not take the prescription headache meds if I can avoid it, though they do knock me out nicely.

Now smelling: Not much now that I've set the teacup down.

Last meal eaten: Fried chicken and Korean sweet potato, to which I added onion and gai lan (a.k.a. Chinese kale or Chinese broccoli), all of it seasoned with chili powder and salt.

Adventure of last week: Observant readers may have guessed that I've been to the Korean supermarket recently. It was Friday the 13th, in fact, after a long bus ride and before a neurologist appointment followed by another long bus ride. Exhausting trip, but I got some tasty food out of it.

Food of the week: In spite of the above, I'd have to say Stayman apples from the farmers market. I'm gonna miss that market this winter.

Toy of the day: Did you know that Korean Cheetos have no cheese? It's true: the bag I bought on Friday was a pepper flavor called "Hot & Spicy" in English (which is surely translated into Korean as "Wimpy Flavor Created by Americans"). Anyway, Korean Cheetos have no cheese, but they do come with toys. After some assembly, I now have a spinning top with Chester Cheetah on it (and the English label "Made in Taiwan"). It is good to be easily amused.

Now reading: Not much, unfortunately. It's been too hard for me to concentrate lately, which is frustrating because I have about a zillion books on my stack to be read.

Last TV show watched: Well, I don't have a digital TV yet, but there are still a few low-power analog stations the old TV can get. Last night I watched the latest Hal Lindsey Report. It was not as entertaining as the last time I watched the show (News story suggesting peaceful cooperation between nations = Sign of the End of the World! News story about increasing violence or threats thereof = Sign of the End of the World! Bonus points if it involves Israel (hint: everything involves Israel). New scientific discovery = ~~Interesting in its own right~~ Sign of the End of the World!) As far as I can tell, last night's episode was all about the Fort Hood shooting, the evils of Political Correctness, and the fact that all devout Muslims are ticking time bombs, which last is undoubtedly true if your definition of "devout Muslim" is "Islamic version of those guys who shoot abortion doctors" (everyone else is just not committed enough). Anyway, that's what I watched before I went to bed. Want new television.

Current medications: Aside from headache drugs I'm trying to avoid taking, my dose of Keppra has been halved. The neurologist said some of my recent problems could possibly be side effects, so she lowered my dose of that and prescribed another drug to go along with it. Medicaid, however, decided that they didn't want to pay for Lyrica without special authorization, so until I get that I'm just on the Keppra. Gives me a chance to find out if worsening symptoms get better on the lower dose, at least.

Miles walked: Around threeish, which is a little less than I walked yesterday. Weather both days was beautiful, sunny with temperatures in upper 60s or low 70s, wonderful for walking around on sidewalks covered in leaves. Tomorrow I am scheduled to collapse.

Links: Meant to post this last week: Signature of antimatter detected in lightning--and mad scientists everywhere rejoice (link via nancylebov).
Oldie but goodie: How I Found the Lost Atlantis, The Source of All Civilization.

Quiz results of the day:

You Should Take Some Deep Breaths

Part of what's stressing you out right now is that there's too much going on at once. You hardly have room to breathe.

And to be honest, the idea of taking on a little project to de-stress yourself is even stressful.

So don't worry about doing much. Just take a few deep breaths. In fact, try it right now.

Doesn't that feel good? Repeat this as often as you need to. This is the first step to clearing your head and feeling better.

How Should You De-stress?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Are a Geek

You love to learn, especially when it's about technology. No subject is too obscure for you.

You enjoy tinkering with things to see how they work. You aren't a traditional learner either... you need to hack around to figure things out.

You may have the brains to be a super rich Silicon Valley geek, but you're truly content to have your own favorite projects, subjects, and toys.

For you, being a geek is not about the glory. It's about a love of digging deep and truly understanding the world.

What's Your Stereotype?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

Armistice Day

2009-11-11T13:02:58Z

Somewhere beyond the mist and the misery on that November morning, six men met in a railcar to end a war. News of the truce moved through the trenches on the trembling lips of soldiers waiting for the screams of flying shells to cease before they believed what they were told. Some heard it first from their captains who distributed strips of paper that read: "Cease firing on all fronts. 11/11/11. Gen. John J. Pershing." Others would never know. They were the unlucky ones killed in the fragile hours before 11 A.M., before the fighting abruptly stopped. The silence, so unfamiliar, was almost as unsettling as the sounds, as if a giant hand suddenly lay across this land of rotting flesh to hush the din of battle. Silence. Prayers. Tears. Then came the roar of cheering and the popping of bonfires piled high with captured ammunition and anything that could burn. The madness was ending, or so it seemed. And fear was giving way to hope.

"One minute we was killing people," a soldier later said, "and then the world was at peace for the first time in four years. It seemed like five minutes of silence and then one of us said, 'Why don't we go home?'"

"I shall never forget the sensation," wrote an officer who climbed out of the trenches when he saw rockets signaling the cease-fire. Onto the open, unprotected ground, he walked toward the front lines of battle. The sun shining on his vulnerability, he moved tentatively, as if the earth beneath each foot might cave in. First he saw German helmets and caps vaulting into a distant haze and then beyond a ridge he saw German soldiers dancing a universal jig of joy. "We stood in a dazed silence unable to believe that at last the fighting was over."

--From "Armistice Day 1918", the Prologue to Savage Peace: Hope and Fear in America, 1919 by Ann Hagedorn

U.S.-centered links of interest:
Veterans History Project at the Library of Congress
Military and Veterans Records at the National Archives

I am a bad journaler

2009-11-06T02:12:23Z

I keep meaning to write about my days & my thoughts, but then I end up doing something else entirely for no particular reason. But I will journal again, I will I will!

So anyway, a briefish entry about today. First of all: I have had very few thoughts today because I'm still tired and recovering (I hope) from a cold. It's been a mild cold as colds go, but it's still not been conducive to deep thinking. And I realize I'm babbling enough that what was going to be a short post may not be all that short after all even if I don't end up saying very much, but y'all will just have to deal with it.

Second: I still need to clean this keyboard. I need to do something to get all the keys working again, because having to pound certain keys (and then hit "Backspace" because I pounded one too many times) is really getting old.

Third: For several months, I've been having problems with the wasps (yellowjackets) nesting under the eaves outside my room. Now, I don't have a problem with wasps living outside the house--they're generally beneficial critters, preying on some of the real pests in the area. What I do have a problem with is that quite a few of them end up wandering into my bedroom somehow, someway, and generally being a nuisance. They haven't stung me, no matter how clumsy I've been in my attempts to smush them with minimal fuss. As I've had reason to learn, these wasps in a house or other enclosed space do not tend to attack; they just fly at the windows in a desperate attempt to get out (or, if it's a dark, gloomy day, they fly around your lightbulb in a confused attempt to escape this human-built hell they've wandered into). But they are potentially stinging insects in my bedroom and I do not want them here. Recently, finally, my landlord thought he'd figured out how they were getting in, and he set up an experiment to find out if he was right. Unfortunately, he didn't tell me what his experiment was so I ruined it the next morning. Anyway, after a weekend when I was getting up to five in the room per morning, I re-established his experiment and it seemed to be working. Until this morning, that is, when two more wasps somehow found their way into my bedroom. The experimental fortifications have been refortified, so we'll see what happens tomorrow morning.

Fourth: I really did expect this entry to be much shorter.

Fifth: Farmers market today!! Many area farmers markets quit at the end of October, but one good one is still going till mid-November. Even when I don't have enough cash to buy much or I'm tired because I'm recovering from a cold, it's fun to admire the apples and breads and meats, listen to music, listen to conversations, take part in a few, be amazed by the enthusiasm of the market coordinator, and all that.

Sixth: There was a brief rain shower today. Wasn't out in the rain much myself, but after it was over there was a rainbow standing out against a backdrop of dark cloud. Gorgeous.

Seventh: Did have enough cash to splurge on a little something for supper at the market, and I must say that a pastry filled with potatoes, greens, cabbage, caramelized onions, hot peppers, cilantro, cheese, and smoked chicken really hit the spot. Later in the month I may be able to eat nothing but beans & rice to make up for this indulgence. But oh, it was indeed worth it.

What Hummingwolf Does to Her Men

2009-11-02T21:16:57Z

So this weekend, feeling a wee bit sick and shaky, I wandered on over to MorphThing to take my mind off my troubles. And look who I met!

Isn't he cute? Our relationship went wonderfully at first; but, still being a bit ill and fuzzy-brained when I fired up the old graphics programs, I'm afraid that... well... I think I broke him.

Would write more here, but it's time for a hummingwolf to hunt for some Halloween candy with which to console herself.

(Fear not: Nonexistent Man is nonexistent, merely an image made by morphing eight different celebrities. No actual men--celebrities or otherwise--were harmed by a hummingwolf this weekend (unless I gave somebody my cold).)

Writer's Block: Would you talk to the dead?

2009-10-31T23:38:25Z

Have you ever participated in a seance? If not, would you consider it? What spirit would you summon and what question would you ask them? Do you believe we can get messages from the dead?

View 674 Answers

If one of my dead relatives has a message they feel the need to give me, I'm sure they're going to come and tell me whether I like it or not. Otherwise, I am sure Mom would be cranky if I woke her up, and Dad would just stick out his spectral tongue at me.

Do people actually get messages from the dead? Well, there have been some intriguing coincidences which seemed to be conveyors of meaning from some departed person to someone still here (in my father's family, flowers are often involved). But of course it's all coincidence, so I'm going to go with "Reply hazy, Try again."

The remainder of this post consists of silly quizzes, with commentary. You have been warned.

Your Halloween Sugar Binge is Caramel Apples

You have a sweet tooth, but you can feel easily overwhelmed by sugar.

You prefer to have your treat cut with something healthy, like fruit and nuts.

But don't let the apple part fool you, you can eat sweets with the rest of them.

You're even willing to make a bit of a mess if your sweet treat is tasty enough.

What's Your Halloween Sugar Binge?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Actually, this year it seems to be caramel corn. Though I do have tasty apples, so maybe I can eat one along with a handful of candy corn.

You Should Give Out M&Ms

You are a colorful, fun loving person who has a bit of an addictive personality.

Once you've found something you love, it's hard for you to give it up... no matter how bad it is for you.

You are both easily amused and easily bored. You need a lot of pretty shiny things to keep you occupied.

You are friendly and love to share. Of all the types, you're the most likely to keep a candy bowl out.

What Treat Should You Give Out For Halloween?

Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

"You are both easily amused and easily bored." More true than you know. This year I'm not giving out candy, though, partly because money is better used elsewhere and partly because I was afraid our house would give out THE PLAGUE (or at least the common cold).

You Hate Religious Tracts

You love that Halloween is a dark, wild holiday. You may or may not be religious, but you don't want to think about religion on this night.

So needless to say, it's a real buzz kill when you're expecting candy and get some Bible verse instead.

You think that religion belongs in churches, and you hate when people use a fun occasion as an excuse to push their beliefs on you.

You wish more people would "live and let live." After all, Halloween is all about letting your freak flag fly.

What Crappy Halloween Treat Do You Hate Most?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

Actually, certain Chick tracts have the Halloweeny virtue of being very creepy. Have I ever mentioned here that I used to collect Chick tracts? It was the ones with the cool witches and demons I used to re-read the most... and yet, somehow, I still managed to grow up Christian, though not exactly the type that Jack T. Chick would approve of.

You Should Be a Mummy for Halloween

You are a silently enthusiastic person. You like to participate in things, but you don't like too much attention.

When you get dressed up for Halloween, you really get in the spirit of things - in the most subdued way possible.

You are a keen observer, and you love to people watch. You're big on noticing little details.

You tend to blend into the background, but you're not tuning out. In fact, you're often the most engaged person in the crowd.

What Halloween Costume Matches Your Personality?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Heh. Not a bad result overall, but I used to like drawing attention to myself at Halloween.

You Are Black

You are a serious and thoughtful person. You spend a lot of time in quiet reflection.

You are a friend of the honesty, and you don't sugar coat anything. You prefer the truth in all its complexity.

While you may relate to the color black, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a dark person. You just don't hide from the dark side of life.

If anything, you tend to be sophisticated and classic. You don't follow trends, and you have your own style of doing things.

Are You Black or Orange?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

Sophisticated? Sophisticated???

No, I really don't have anything to add to that.

Your Autumn Sense is Smell

You are a very sensitive, in tune person, and you have a good memory. You notice all the little smells associated with fall.

Of course you love favorite smells like pumpkin pie cooking or a fire burning, but your nose is much more sensitive than that.

You also notice the smell of fall leaves, the scent of a favorite sweater, and the aroma of fresh apples.

You remember and cherish every detail of the season. In fact, the littlest things about fall give you the greatest amount of pleasure.

What's Your Autumn Sense?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

You Are a Witch

Like a witch, you are often misunderstood and unfairly judged. You are not as sinister as you seem.

You are intelligent and spiritual. You feel very connected to the world - both the dark and light sides of things.

You tend to keep to yourself, and because of this people tend to think things about you that aren't true.

You would just like to be left alone to do your own thing. You have no intention of harming anyone, even though you could if you wanted to!

Are You A Vampire, Witch, Or Zombie?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

You Are an Orange Pumpkin

You are a bit average and ordinary, but that's a good thing. People appreciate you for who you are.

You believe life's too short to not forgive and forget. You try to let the small stuff slide and focus on what's important.

You appreciate the ordinary things that most people ignore - good friends, a warm home, a tasty meal.

There's so much to be thankful for in your life that you would feel wrong to complain too much!

What Color Pumpkin Are You?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

In other words, I should expect to be carved up and made into a pie any day now.

You Are a Pumpkin Mask

You are quiet and a bit shy. You like to observe first before getting yourself in the mix.

You are a big thinker and ponderer. You have many great ideas, and you will show them to the world when you're ready.

You may be a bit of a mystery, but there's nothing too terribly scary about you. You are very accessible.

You aren't the most friendly person in the world, but people seem to naturally want to be your friend. They can tell you're something special.

What Halloween Mask Are You?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

Yep... I'm going to be carved up, pureed, and baked till I'm golden brown.

Your Home Might Be Haunted

There's definitely something weird going on in your home, and you have the right to be uncomfortable.

A lot of your home's creepiness could be psychological. Do you have some bad memories associated with where you live?

Try to freshen things up a bit. Maybe some flowers or a new happy painting would make your home seem less dead.

Plus maybe if you change things enough, you'll scare some of the "ghosts" away!

Is Your Home Haunted?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

No no no--the weirdness in my home is quite easy to explain. It's called "housemates."

hummingwolf @ 2009-10-24T22:38:00

2009-10-25T02:38:39Z

After one of those nights when dreams stretch and merge and combine with each other and come apart again to bend again into new shapes, I woke up to the sound of acorns falling, or rain, or wasps, or ghosts. A beautiful warm morning. I got up for a bit, decided to go back to bed, then woke up for real about two hours later. Took an early shower, got dressed, ate and went for a short walk. I've been feeling under the weather lately--nothing alarming, not as if I had the flu, though perhaps it's like a healthy person getting a flu, a bit feverish (without any actual fever) and worn out and sore-throated. So I knew enough to keep the walk short, but it did feel good to walk for a while in the warmth.

Rested a few hours. Did a bunch of nothing, as I have been doing a lot for the last few days. Took a good, long afternoon nap and woke up with a feeling migraines often bring, feeling half in this world half in another. This state, of course, always leads to brilliant decisions, so it is not surprising that I looked out at the glowering sky, thought about the heavy rains in the forecast, considered how very tired I've been, and decided to go for another walk.

Query: Why do drivers on the highway honk their horns at pedestrians on the sidewalk just before drenching them in road spray?

Maybe some of the drivers were expressing their appreciation for the way I look in a wet T-shirt. I rather doubt it, but it is a theoretical possibility.

It was actually a lovely walk. When the rains first came down, I dashed into a nearby store and looked around for a while, having gotten only a little bit wet on the way in. After a while, I looked outside, concluded that the rain was easing a bit, bought a candy bar and left. I was completely wrong about the rain, of course, and quickly became more soaked than I have been in ages, since that one day when the rain clouds followed me to the doctor's office. The weather was still warm, so the walk was fun in spite of the drivers' honkings. Came home utterly worn out (one thing I'd forgotten was how much clothes and shoes weigh when completely saturated) and needing a hot shower to ease the pain in overtired muscles. Going out the second time may be something I'll regret tomorrow, but I can't say I regret it today.

One thing I need to do sometime soon is buy a can of compressed air. I need something to help me clean this keyboard--having keys that are hit-and-miss makes typing decidedly less than fun, especially when two of those keys are among the most commonly-used letters in English. Heck, two of those letters are in the word "English." Did you know that in 1829 the first Neanderthaler skulls were found in the village of Engis? Wikipedia tells me so. And I'm feeling even more feverish without actually having a fever, so it's probably time for me to give up pounding the recalcitrant keyboard and go to bed.

For the record: The foods of the week have been winesap apples, concord grapes, and hickory-smoked bacon. Somehow that seems deep and meaningful right now.

Still here

2009-10-18T01:04:13Z

I keep meaning to write a nice, long update, but that's apparently not going to happen. So, a mini-update: I am alive. In addition, I am sleepy.

Some more detail: I decided that since a person doesn't turn 40 every year, I would be nice to myself my entire birthday week. This worked out well, as my actual birthday was rather boring but other bits of that week were fun. Oct. 4: Spent time with folks who took me out for dinner (mmm... bacon buffalo cheeseburger). Oct. 8: Went to this farmers market because they had a cooking demo by (cable TV reality show?) celebrity chef Carla Hall. She put on a good show, engaging with her fans in the crowd & making tasty food for people to sample. While I was there, I splurged on a cheese pie with smoked salmon from Neopol Savory Smokery (verdict: expensive but delicious).

Weather last week: Basic pleasant, autumnal weather, good for walking. Weather since this past Wednesday afternoon: Cold & wet, not much fun at all.

My brain hasn't been working very well lately. I suspect that medication has something to do with this, which is disappointing as it's been fairly good at keeping noticeable seizures at bay. I think it's time for another neurologist visit, drattit.

Still have no digital TV, which leaves me with less to talk about. Maybe I'll get a DVD player and wait till everything comes out on video before watching every episode all at once. The library lets patrons borrow DVDs, but I'm not sure if they'll have everything I want. Hmmm... Is Dollhouse any good this year?

Writer's Block: Cyberstalking

2009-10-12T17:18:33Z

Do you keep tabs on ex-boyfriends and -girlfriends over social networking sites? Do you think it's emotionally healthy or dangerous? Amusing or painful?

View 1036 Answers

When I first got internet access at home back in the late '90s, I did put in some effort looking up guys from college to find out what had happened to them. (I was quite proud of my success in locating one with a ridiculously common name who had moved to two different states since the last time I'd heard of him.) Exchanged a few friendly e-mails with one man, but never tried following up on the others. After all, once you've learned that Misogyny Boy has finally emerged from the closet and Mr. Fundamentalist is now a fervent atheist, what more could you possibly need to know?

Nobel Peace Prize, 2010

2009-10-09T16:25:23Z

For the Nobel Peace Prize to be awarded in 2010, I would like to nominate the members of the committee who chose the winner of the Peace Prize for 2009. More than anyone else in recent history, this Nobel committee has contributed to peace by prompting people from all over the American political landscape to come together as one and say: "SAY WHAT?! No... seriously... what?????????"

Many thanks to you, Nobel Peace Prize committee! Today, you have given us all great hope for the future.

2009 Nobel for Medicine

2009-10-05T12:53:04Z

Elizabeth H. Blackburn, Carol W. Greider, and Jack W. Szostak are this year's winners for the Nobel Prize in medicine for their research into telomeres (the tips of chromosomes) and telomerase (the enzyme that builds telomeres); discoveries which, in the words of the prize committee, "have added a new dimension to our understanding of the cell, shed light on disease mechanisms, and stimulated the development of potential new therapies."

This is the first time two women have won the prize in medicine in the same year. But what I'm wondering is, how many times has a winner of a Nobel prize quoted Monty Python?

hummingwolf @ 2009-10-04T11:57:00

2009-10-04T15:58:48Z

Am trying to negotiate a peace treaty, but my opponent seems to be expecting unconditional surrender. And by "my opponent," I mean "my own &@#%! body."

I keep thinking that I've done everything I know to make sure that my body would have everything it needs to behave in a reasonably decent manner today, so I should just go out and act as if it will behave as well as I want it to. Then, of course, my body finds a way to remind me that it never did believe in that "mind over matter" myth, so I'll have to come up with some better plan.

Whinge

2009-10-02T15:02:51Z

Why is it that everybody always seems to have an overfull social calendar in October except for me? It's my birthday month and it's boring! Granted, I haven't exactly had the energy to hang out with people much this year... or last... or the year before... anyway. But even compared to the dullness of my other months, October is a barren wasteland--until the very end of the month. What the heck do all the rest of you do in the days before Halloween, anyway?!
And how come it doesn't involve my birfday???

yesterday

2009-10-02T12:49:03Z

Sat outside enjoying the archetypal autumn weather eating Korean food while listening to a bluesy duo playing "Route 66" accompanied by occasional trains. (The last train hit its cue perfectly. The singer's cry of "We paid the train's driver to do that!" almost seemed believable.) Wandered around the farmers market, buying fresh apples and butternut squash and muscadines of the scuppernong type. Half an hour before the market closed, I wandered again, no longer hunting for anything to buy this week, just looking and smelling and listening and talking. Came home after sunset, put food away, and carried some literature to my room, my hands smelling of perfumed oils.